The Diaries Of Verb McCracken,“Pain And Guilt,” Year One, week one, day six

Dear Diary,

I guess I’m in the second phase of grief.  I’m through shock and awe or whatever they call it.  It looks like I’m in pain and guilt.  

I’m definitely in pain.  I haven’t had lunch for almost a week!  The laundry is piling up and I don’t have any clean socks to choose among.  Couldn’t my wife have done the dirty dishes and clothes before she left?  Ut oh.

I guess that’s part of that phase.  What a jerk I am!  I lost my wife and I’m upset that she didn’t do chores!  I should have learned how to clean the toilet!  I knew it!  I should have known this day would come.

I think the phone is ringing.  Hold on.

“Hello?  Who?  Oh, how are you doing?  What happened?  You lost your wife, too?  Yeah.  Me, too.  Just as she was fixing dinner.  You, too?  Say, you don’t have anything for lunch, do you?  Oh, never mind.  Just a brief lapse on my part.”

“You had how many bypasses?  Only three?  No, I had six.  I guess I win.  Or lose.  So why did you call?  Recuperating?  And you can’t find your wife either?  You’re having a worse week than me?”

“Can I do what?  Fill your pulpit for you in Ephesus?  Next week?  I guess I could.  That church of yours is a witch, though.  I guess you would know that.  No, I didn’t mean actual witches.  I should have said, “bear.”  Yeah, you did know that, too.”

“So 11:00 a.m.?  Yeah, I could do that.  You know I think I got saved yesterday.  You, too?  Wow.  You think that’s why you think God had you call me?  Should be something.  I’ll have actually something substantial to preach.  Yeah, like the Bible.   It would be a stretch for me but I think I could handle it.”

“You bet.  Hope you’ll be feeling better soon.  Yeah, I hope I’ll feel better, too.  Bye.”

That was the preacher in Ephesus on the edge of Alabama.  Strange.  The church seemed to be a carbon-copy of the church in Ephesus in ancient Asia-minor out of the book of Revelation.

I’ll have to brush up on the church in Ephesus.  Concordance.  Concordance.  What am I thinking?  Google!  It is the 21st century!  

Boy, I sure hadn’t preached out of the actual Bible for a while!  

Acts 19.  Hmm.  There was a riot there.  Sounds like fun.  They ate wafers.  Interesting.  They had a goddess named Diana.  I knew some chicks named Diana like that.  They had demon-possessed people there that jumped some Christian poseurs.  Ha!  That’ll show them.

What am I going to say to this church?  I know the church had given fits to the pastor.  That’s probably what landed him in the heart hospital.  And now the poor guy had lost his wife.  

Hey, I had lost my wife, too!  I had heart surgery!

And now I don’t even have an appetite.  Good thing since there’s nothing around to eat!

(To Be Continued . . .)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.